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The Grammar Lesson


Sometimes being a know-it-all has its consequences.  Visit One Stop Poetry to view other poets’ work.  Also linked to Big Tent Poetry…their prompt was “stuck”.  Well our heroine was stuck in an awkward situation here!

.

An English teacher walking home
From class one autumn night
Is accosted by a snarling wolf
That gives her quite a fright

“By your size and your formation,
You’re like nothing that I know”
“Werewolf,” growled the monster…
“It’s the full moon makes me so”

“A talking wolf, she cried in shock,
“That’s really quite precocious,
But Sir Wolf, I’m sad to say
Your grammar’s quite atrocious

Oh, your muscles are of sinew
And your coat shines like a mink’s
Your eyes reflect the starlight,
But your conjugation stinks!

Take no offense you wretched beast,
But I must beg your pardon
How can you say you were a wolf
When you still clearly are one?

If you choose to butcher people,
Well, it’s all the same to me,
But I just can’t let you butcher
The simple verb to be

Now if you’ll pay attention,
I’ll explain the best I can.
That when speaking in the present tense
You say a wolf I am

And if the past tense should apply,
As I’m sure sometimes it does,
You still don’t say I were a wolf
You say a wolf I was

And when looking to the future
As the full moon sets you free
Well then, my friend, it’s fair to say
A lovely wolf I’ll be

For something more exotic
Toss a participle in
The imperfect:  having been a wolf…
Or the perfect: wolf I’ve been

That’s quite enough for this time
I feel you’ve done your best
Now you go home and practice,
‘Cause next time there’ll be a test!”

The creature bared its ivory fangs
And crouched down on its paws
It growled deep within its throat
And spread its awful jaws

“Wait!  I am, I am a teacher”
She cried to the charging cur
He gobbled her, then licked his chops,
And said “You mean you were!”



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  1. March 16, 2011 at 2:36 PM

    Ha! Loved this! One must be careful whom one corrects! Wolves often don’t take well to criticism. Thanks for visiting my blog!

  2. March 16, 2011 at 4:25 PM

    haha…i know a few grammar teachers…my grammar needed so much help…

  3. March 16, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    I had an English teacher just like that in high school. A grammar lesson in the face of great danger — and that ending was perfect.

  4. March 16, 2011 at 11:57 PM

    What fun, ending in a healthy Ha! I’ll bet you had a hoot writing it.

  5. March 17, 2011 at 1:41 AM

    Hilarious! And of course I loved the punch!

  6. KB
    March 17, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    Loved it.

  7. March 18, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    That is an awesome lesson and punch line! It would be a great way for ESL students to learn. 🙂

  8. March 18, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    Very funny and I love the ending.

    Pamela

  9. March 18, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    Love the ending and that was funny poem too. Grammar was never made friends with me.

  10. March 18, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    This is great fun… and so very clever! I love the ending, too.

    ~laurie

  11. March 18, 2011 at 11:40 PM

    Oh, my. This is hilarious AND well done. I love this!(I did, I do, and I will. 🙂

  12. March 19, 2011 at 12:22 AM

    I’m told that a good laugh before bedtime helps you sleep better and I’m off to bed (under a very full moon) and expect an excellent night’s sleep. So clever and fun!

  13. March 19, 2011 at 2:04 AM

    While I was reading this, I was imagining that the woman was also inching away because surely she was getting the wolf grammatically confused but it was not so. A hilarious poem! ☺

  14. earlybird
    March 19, 2011 at 2:19 AM

    loved this!

  15. March 19, 2011 at 3:25 AM

    I hope the revenge was sweet! Terrific fun. My 9-y-o grandson would love this.

  16. March 19, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Hi,
    Just read through all your posts here & had some good laughs.

  17. March 19, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    what a great laugh! thank you so much!

  18. March 20, 2011 at 1:19 AM

    I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading it! 🙂

    • March 20, 2011 at 3:41 PM

      Was kind of fun! Thanks for reading.

  19. March 21, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    Oh, this is adorable…and this could be me on both sides! Love this one too!

  20. March 21, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    lovely humor…

    A++
    🙂

  21. thingy
    March 21, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Haha! I mean, poor teach. : ( (hee-hee)

  22. Ina
    March 21, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    Great poem, really loved it 🙂

  23. March 21, 2011 at 11:30 PM

    My first visit to your blog and this poem was a real entertainer. If all your writings are like this, you would see much more of me here, digging up your archives.

  24. March 22, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    quite an english lesson haha! now i am afraid to invite you to my blog.. anyway er.. never mind- here’s my potluck- http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/01/25/paper-scribbles/

  25. March 23, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    Urbane, chatty work.

  26. March 25, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Aww no poor teacher! LOL!

  27. April 13, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    well apparently mister wolf knew his grammar pretty well. 🙂

  28. May 17, 2011 at 4:03 AM

    Awesome !!! loved this !

    • May 17, 2011 at 10:23 PM

      Thanks for stopping by and reading this older entry…it is one of my favorites. vb

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