Home > My Rhymes, Plotsicles > Trouble In Camelot

Trouble In Camelot

T.H. White’s classic, The Once and Future King, is a retelling of the Arthurian legend.  It is 64,183 words long.  Here’s my attempt to tell the same story in rhyme with 225 words.  I may have left out a few details.


Young Arthur, who pulls sword from stone

Is destined then to hold the throne

Gets seduced by his half-sister

Bears a child, a twisted mister

Ascends the throne and picks a spot

To build idyllic Camelot

Where the rule is: Do what’s right

To quest is better than to fight

To aid him in this noble dream

Pure Art must build a righteous team

His knights, the finest of the lot

The first among them, Lancelot

But shame on young, disloyal Lance

He cannot keep it in his pants

Alas, Art’s wife’s no gem I fear

The Lance-a-lusting Guinevere

Oh, our boy, Lance is quite the swain

He’s also doing young Elaine

They have a kid, but that’s not bad

It’s fair and perfect Galahad

Adding luster to the fable

Art says they must have a table

To keep their hearts so just, so true

Well, only one that’s round will do

Then there’s Merlin, clever wizard

Victim of his trouser lizard

He gets seduced and locked away

By sexy, sultry Nimue

That’s quite shame for all concerned

Without his help, poor Art gets burned

When Mordred, Arthur’s nephew-son

Rat’s out young Lance…all comes undone

It’s hard to live life pure and true

When you don’t know who’s doing who

The dream of Camelot was gone

Just too much lancing going on

This post is linked to One Stop Poetry and Big Tent Poetry


  1. April 6, 2011 at 2:23 PM

    Love this rhyming tale of long ago. 🙂

  2. April 6, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    He sure did lance a lot. (LOL!)

  3. Elaine
    April 6, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    A Ballad…I love ballads. Well done!

  4. April 6, 2011 at 6:22 PM

    ha. wonderful play on camelot….love the tales of yore…and your rendition…

  5. April 6, 2011 at 7:04 PM

    Ha ha ha! You had me laughing the whole way through this, vb.


  6. April 6, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    I loved this… so funny and right-on! I think you covered it very well! 🙂

  7. April 6, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    truly any story can be a comedy, it all depends on how you tell it. I enjoyed this piece, well thought out, well written.

    peace, love, and peaches
    WEdB Lake

  8. April 6, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    what a scream..you’ve done a find bending…needed that smile, thanks!

  9. April 6, 2011 at 11:48 PM

    Haha! Well lampooned!

  10. April 7, 2011 at 7:19 AM

    hilarious! the people of middle age were really confused for sure.

  11. April 7, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    A most entertaining telling of the classic tales…the way you show it, well, I guess they certainly did have a certain common problem between the lot…just couldn’t keep it in their pants…very fun piece.

  12. April 7, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    Very witty and amusing. This truly made me smile. Thanks for sharing.
    Ferry me to Camelot
    Where knights of old
    Did lance a lot.

  13. April 7, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    Naughty Lance A Lot!

    Anna :o]

  14. April 7, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    This is awesome!

  15. April 7, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Good rhyming there, mate. A good laugh, indeed.

    Mayhaps, ’twas so cold back them.
    The lance was needed
    To keep the players warm

  16. April 7, 2011 at 8:45 PM


  17. April 8, 2011 at 9:18 AM

    You did excellent!

    order of the day

  18. earlybird
    April 8, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    Very funny. Well done. (I thought I knew the story but now I’m all confused!)

  19. April 8, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    This a truly a fantastic piece. I loved it!

  20. April 8, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    To much lancing going on indeed ::grins:: Thank you so much for the laugh from a poem born of pure talent.

  21. April 8, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    Oh Camelot, where are you now? You’d make a great scriptwriter for BBC tv’s Merlin drama…

  22. April 8, 2011 at 11:14 PM

    Still laughing – this is priceless!

  23. April 9, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    waiting for your next poem!

  24. April 9, 2011 at 11:02 AM

    Camelot as soap opera. It’s fun and delightful. And the “lance” pun – priceless.

  25. April 9, 2011 at 11:45 AM

    Thanks to all who have taken the time to read, comment and encourage. This and Raven Redux are original works, but “condensing” plots is not an original concept. I have always enjoyed reading these tongue-in-cheek abridgments of the originals. I’m going to try another one soon. Vb

  26. April 9, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Brilliant. Love it!
    “Victim of his trouser lizard” LOL

  27. April 10, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    Gets seduced by his half-sister

    Bears a child, a twisted mister


  28. April 11, 2011 at 12:17 AM

    Great job! Hilarious!

  29. April 11, 2011 at 6:02 AM

    What a brilliant poem!

  30. April 12, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    You’ve tempted me to start reading your blog backwards. The more I read, the more I love your ‘versebending humour’. But I wish you enabled emails, so your comments didn’t come labelled ‘noreply-comment@blogger.com’, for then I could reply with quick quips when your comments pop up in my inbox! LOL

    • April 12, 2011 at 3:56 PM

      Ok…I think I just did…new to this blogging thing.

  31. April 20, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    I loved this take on the legend of King Arthur. Really clever and quite amusing! How does one follow your blog page? No place to click into to become a “Follower”

    • April 21, 2011 at 1:09 PM

      I think it can be done, but I haven’t figured it out yet…still working…thanks for asking. If I ever get it figured out, I’ll let you know. Vb

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