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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

THE MUMMY’S CURSE

February 21, 2016 Leave a comment

 mummy

 

Of all the frights I’ve had in life

There’s none unnerved me worse

Than that dreadful night of terror

That I heard the mummy’s curse

 

While in the Pharaoh’s pyramid

With only candlelight

I happened on an ancient scroll

Wrapped in a bundle tight

 

Then I read with trepidation

Its hieroglyphic verse:

“Beware, O foul defiler, now

You’ll hear the mummy’s curse!”

 

Then from a stone sarcophagus

Against a darkened wall

Emerged a fearsome mummy

Who stood immensely tall

 

Wrapped head to toe in linen

Hate blazing from its eyes

It stalked me like a tiger

As I whimpered wretched cries

 

It backed me to a corner

Then things went from bad to worse

As to my utter horror

I heard the mummy curse

 

“You mother-bleeping robber

You thieving sack of bleep

How dare disturb my Pharaoh

In his everlasting sleep”

 

“Be gone you bleeping infidel

And mark my words with dread

If you show your worthless bleep again

And I’ll crush you bleeping head!”

 

Then to its stone sarcophagus

It shuffled in reverse

No, I’ll not soon forget the night

I heard the mummy curse!

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Pinafores

March 18, 2014 3 comments

‘Twixt pinafores and semaphores

And petit fours and such

There’s often some confusion,

But I wouldn’t worry much

 

For here’s a way to keep them

All quite tidy in your mind

And if you’ll just recite this verse

No problems you will find

 

A pinafore’s an apron

And a semaphore’s a sign

A petit four’s a pastry

Of much intricate design

 

So when you’re finished baking treats

Aboard your trusty boat

You run your apron up the mast

To signal all afloat

 

Then the pinafore’s a semaphore

The petit fours are here

Which makes this rhyme a poor attempt

At metaphor I fear

 

 

 

Raven Redux

October 30, 2012 43 comments

Recycled for Halloween 2012

 

One of my all-time favorite poems is Poe’s The Raven, but let’s face it, at 1086 words it is way too long.  In today’s frenetic world, who has the time to read such things. So, in the interest of making it more accessible to the schedule-impaired, and with all due respect to the original, I have undertaken a slight edit.  Here is my 68 word version of the classic.

 

Lonely dude about to snore

Hears a knock upon his door

What is there? A talking bird!

All it knows is one damn word


Conversation is a bore

All it says is “nevermore”

Asks about his long lost flame

Lenore, the lovely lady’s name


Bird provides no help at all

“Nevermore,” it’s single call

Lonely dude goes raving mad

Bird just sits there.  Bird is bad



Linked to One Shot Wednesday.

Just Add Water

April 29, 2012 12 comments

This post is linked to The Mag prompt #115 which is the image above

 

 

She bought him in a pet shop for a dollar and a quarter

The lady at the counter said “It says here just add water

Then fertilize and nurture him and grow your perfect man

But it comes with this disclaimer: Most aren’t worth a damn”

Performance Anxiety

April 22, 2012 19 comments

 

This post is linked to The Mag prompt #114 which is the image above.

 

What joy! At Last! An honorarium!

To read my verse at the aquarium

What angst! What pain! My poems stank!

The performance ended in the tank.

 

 

Eggsistentialism

April 9, 2012 13 comments

This post is linked to The Mag prompt 112 which is the image above.

 

 

Existential image

Floating eggshell girl

Drifting ‘cross the desert

Clouds a gothic whirl

 

Meaning is elusive

Imagery’s obscure

Artist has a message

What, I can’t be sure

Welcome

April 4, 2012 2 comments

If you have visited before…welcome back. If this is your first visit click on “MY TOP TEN” to get a representative sample of the blog. I hope you like what you see. Vb

P.S. :  If you are really feeling charitable, checkout “Versebender” in the Amazon Kindle Store