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Posts Tagged ‘humorous poetry’

THE MUMMY’S CURSE

February 21, 2016 Leave a comment

 mummy

 

Of all the frights I’ve had in life

There’s none unnerved me worse

Than that dreadful night of terror

That I heard the mummy’s curse

 

While in the Pharaoh’s pyramid

With only candlelight

I happened on an ancient scroll

Wrapped in a bundle tight

 

Then I read with trepidation

Its hieroglyphic verse:

“Beware, O foul defiler, now

You’ll hear the mummy’s curse!”

 

Then from a stone sarcophagus

Against a darkened wall

Emerged a fearsome mummy

Who stood immensely tall

 

Wrapped head to toe in linen

Hate blazing from its eyes

It stalked me like a tiger

As I whimpered wretched cries

 

It backed me to a corner

Then things went from bad to worse

As to my utter horror

I heard the mummy curse

 

“You mother-bleeping robber

You thieving sack of bleep

How dare disturb my Pharaoh

In his everlasting sleep”

 

“Be gone you bleeping infidel

And mark my words with dread

If you show your worthless bleep again

And I’ll crush you bleeping head!”

 

Then to its stone sarcophagus

It shuffled in reverse

No, I’ll not soon forget the night

I heard the mummy curse!

The Mermaid Bride

May 6, 2012 15 comments

This poem is in response to The Mag image below:

 

 

This got me thinking about a river flowing to the ocean and the following salty tale ensued:

 

 

 

Well, I sits on the beach

Just a’watchin the tide

And mourns o’er the loss

O’ my sweet mermaid bride

 

On the schooner “Allegro”

O’ Nantucket, Mass

I first laid me eyes

On that fair- flippered lass

 

I was standin’ me watch

In the dead o’ the night

When she rose from the sea

With a phosphoric light

 

‘Twas a vision in beauty

A sailor’s true wish

The North of her, woman

The South of her, fish

 

Her hair was of seaweed

And it bobbed to ‘n fro

As her scales softly shone

In the moon’s silver glow

 

With songs of a siren

To her pearl covered bed

She wooed me, seduced me

And then we was wed

 

We was married by Neptune

The seafarer’s God

Me groomsmen was mack’rel

The bridesmaids was cod

 

Then its two years ‘n twenty

Of marital bliss

At least so’s I thought

‘Til she hits me with this:

 

“I’m leavin’,” says she

“With a dolphin named Dan

Ain’t I don’t love you

He’s just more of a man”

 

“He’s slicker ‘n thicker

And slow where you’re quicker

A flick of his fluke

And my flame’s all a’ flicker “

 

Then with nary a wave

And just barely a splash

She swam to her beau

And was gone in a flash

 

Now, I sits on the beach

Just a’ watchin’ the tide

And mourns o’er the loss

O’ my sweet mermaid bride

Just Add Water

April 29, 2012 12 comments

This post is linked to The Mag prompt #115 which is the image above

 

 

She bought him in a pet shop for a dollar and a quarter

The lady at the counter said “It says here just add water

Then fertilize and nurture him and grow your perfect man

But it comes with this disclaimer: Most aren’t worth a damn”

I Think She May Have Had Enough

April 25, 2012 5 comments

….What do you think?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Time I got real fond of you

Pack a bag and call a lawyer

Mister, you and I are through

 

Spent my last night doing dishes

Picking up your dirty clothes

While you sprawl upon the sofa

Watching TV ‘tween your toes

 

No more scrubbing ‘round the toilet

Courtesy your dreadful aim

No more listening to your snoring

Isn’t that a crying shame

 

I won’t miss your meddling momma

Uninvited, butting in

I won’t miss your awful poppa

Or his nasty, leering grin

 

Think I’ll miss your sweet romancing?

Sugar, no I won’t a lick

Thirty seconds worth of effort

Very rarely does the trick

 

As I tally vice and virtue

Darlin’ it has come to this

When it gets right down to basics

There ain’t much I’m gonna miss!

Linked to dVerse ~ Poets Pub

Eggsistentialism

April 9, 2012 13 comments

This post is linked to The Mag prompt 112 which is the image above.

 

 

Existential image

Floating eggshell girl

Drifting ‘cross the desert

Clouds a gothic whirl

 

Meaning is elusive

Imagery’s obscure

Artist has a message

What, I can’t be sure

Welcome

April 4, 2012 2 comments

If you have visited before…welcome back. If this is your first visit click on “MY TOP TEN” to get a representative sample of the blog. I hope you like what you see. Vb

P.S. :  If you are really feeling charitable, checkout “Versebender” in the Amazon Kindle Store

Cupid

May 24, 2011 28 comments

This poem is linked to One Stop Poetry.

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I took an arrow in the heart

From Cupid’s loving bow

Why the little bare-bummed archer

Picked on me I’ll never know


With his cherub face and curly locks

And dainty little wings

You’d never guess the awful mess

His little missile brings


Before he shot, I had only me,

And wanted nothing more

Now I’ve got a wife, six drooling kids,

And creditors galore


Oh God in heaven grant me this:

I only wish I might

Encounter that sweet faerie

On some dark and moonless night


I’d snatch the arrows from his back

‘Ere more harm came to pass

Then throttle him around the neck

And shove them up his … (well, you get the idea!)

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