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If you have visited before…welcome back. If this is your first visit click on “MY TOP TEN” to get a representative sample of the blog. I hope you like what you see. Vb

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THE MUMMY’S CURSE

 

 

Of all the frights I’ve had in life

There’s none unnerved me worse

Than that dreadful night of terror

That I heard the mummy’s curse

 

While in the Pharaoh’s pyramid

With only candlelight

I happened on an ancient scroll

Wrapped in a bundle tight

 

Then I read with trepidation

Its hieroglyphic verse:

“Beware, O foul defiler, now

You’ll hear the mummy’s curse!”

 

Then from a stone sarcophagus

Against a darkened wall

Emerged a fearsome mummy

Who stood immensely tall

 

Wrapped head to toe in linen

Hate blazing from its eyes

It stalked me like a tiger

As I whimpered wretched cries

 

It backed me to a corner

Then things went from bad to worse

As to my utter horror

I heard the mummy curse

 

“You mother-bleeping robber

You thieving sack of bleep

How dare disturb my Pharaoh

In his everlasting sleep”

 

“Be gone you bleeping infidel

And mark my words with dread

If you show your worthless bleep again

And I’ll crush you bleeping head!”

 

Then to its stone sarcophagus

It shuffled in reverse

No, I’ll not soon forget the night

I heard the mummy curse!

Pinafores

‘Twixt pinafores and semaphores

And petit fours and such

There’s often some confusion,

But I wouldn’t worry much

 

For here’s a way to keep them

All quite tidy in your mind

And if you’ll just recite this verse

No problems you will find

 

A pinafore’s an apron

And a semaphore’s a sign

A petit four’s a pastry

Of much intricate design

 

So when you’re finished baking treats

Aboard your trusty boat

You run your apron up the mast

To signal all afloat

 

Then the pinafore’s a semaphore

The petit fours are here

Which makes this rhyme a poor attempt

At metaphor I fear

 

 

 

Raven Redux

Recycled for Halloween 2012

 

One of my all-time favorite poems is Poe’s The Raven, but let’s face it, at 1086 words it is way too long.  In today’s frenetic world, who has the time to read such things. So, in the interest of making it more accessible to the schedule-impaired, and with all due respect to the original, I have undertaken a slight edit.  Here is my 68 word version of the classic.

 

Lonely dude about to snore

Hears a knock upon his door

What is there? A talking bird!

All it knows is one damn word

Conversation is a bore

All it says is “nevermore”

Asks about his long lost flame

Lenore, the lovely lady’s name

Bird provides no help at all

“Nevermore,” it’s single call

Lonely dude goes raving mad

Bird just sits there.  Bird is bad

Linked to One Shot Wednesday.

The Mermaid Bride

This poem is in response to The Mag image below:

 

 

This got me thinking about a river flowing to the ocean and the following salty tale ensued:

 

 

 

Well, I sits on the beach

Just a’watchin the tide

And mourns o’er the loss

O’ my sweet mermaid bride

 

On the schooner “Allegro”

O’ Nantucket, Mass

I first laid me eyes

On that fair- flippered lass

 

I was standin’ me watch

In the dead o’ the night

When she rose from the sea

With a phosphoric light

 

‘Twas a vision in beauty

A sailor’s true wish

The North of her, woman

The South of her, fish

 

Her hair was of seaweed

And it bobbed to ‘n fro

As her scales softly shone

In the moon’s silver glow

 

With songs of a siren

To her pearl covered bed

She wooed me, seduced me

And then we was wed

 

We was married by Neptune

The seafarer’s God

Me groomsmen was mack’rel

The bridesmaids was cod

 

Then its two years ‘n twenty

Of marital bliss

At least so’s I thought

‘Til she hits me with this:

 

“I’m leavin’,” says she

“With a dolphin named Dan

Ain’t I don’t love you

He’s just more of a man”

 

“He’s slicker ‘n thicker

And slow where you’re quicker

A flick of his fluke

And my flame’s all a’ flicker “

 

Then with nary a wave

And just barely a splash

She swam to her beau

And was gone in a flash

 

Now, I sits on the beach

Just a’ watchin’ the tide

And mourns o’er the loss

O’ my sweet mermaid bride

Just Add Water

This post is linked to The Mag prompt #115 which is the image above

 

 

She bought him in a pet shop for a dollar and a quarter

The lady at the counter said “It says here just add water

Then fertilize and nurture him and grow your perfect man

But it comes with this disclaimer: Most aren’t worth a damn”

I Think She May Have Had Enough

….What do you think?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Time I got real fond of you

Pack a bag and call a lawyer

Mister, you and I are through

 

Spent my last night doing dishes

Picking up your dirty clothes

While you sprawl upon the sofa

Watching TV ‘tween your toes

 

No more scrubbing ‘round the toilet

Courtesy your dreadful aim

No more listening to your snoring

Isn’t that a crying shame

 

I won’t miss your meddling momma

Uninvited, butting in

I won’t miss your awful poppa

Or his nasty, leering grin

 

Think I’ll miss your sweet romancing?

Sugar, no I won’t a lick

Thirty seconds worth of effort

Very rarely does the trick

 

As I tally vice and virtue

Darlin’ it has come to this

When it gets right down to basics

There ain’t much I’m gonna miss!

Linked to dVerse ~ Poets Pub

Performance Anxiety

 

This post is linked to The Mag prompt #114 which is the image above.

 

What joy! At Last! An honorarium!

To read my verse at the aquarium

What angst! What pain! My poems stank!

The performance ended in the tank.

 

 

Simplicity

This poem is in response to The Mag’s prompt 113 which is the Chagall image above

 

 

Said the painter to the poet

“There’s something to be said

For all the palette colors

But you can’t go wrong with red”

 

Said the poet to the painter

“Your advice is very sage

I find it is the humble words

That better suit the page”

Eggsistentialism

This post is linked to The Mag prompt 112 which is the image above.

 

 

Existential image

Floating eggshell girl

Drifting ‘cross the desert

Clouds a gothic whirl

 

Meaning is elusive

Imagery’s obscure

Artist has a message

What, I can’t be sure

I’m Thinking of Starting a Diet

I’m thinking of starting a diet

In fact I might start it today

The goal of my diet is simple

To make fifty pounds go away

 

My shirt creeps up over my belly

My pants are two inches too tight

I’m a pastry away from exploding

Good gosh, I’m a horrible sight

 

I can’t see my toes when I’m standing

My belt buckle points at the floor

I suck in my gut and turn sideways

To maneuver my butt through a door

 

Oh, once I was young and athletic

And once I was nimble and lean

But I said “super size it” too often

I think y’all know what I mean

 

They say diet is all about willpower

And not for the lazy or meek

I’m thinking of starting a diet

Well, maybe I’ll start it next week.

Linked to The Purple Tree House and Poets United