THE MUMMY’S CURSE
Of all the frights I’ve had in life
There’s none unnerved me worse
Than that dreadful night of terror
That I heard the mummy’s curse
While in the Pharaoh’s pyramid
With only candlelight
I happened on an ancient scroll
Wrapped in a bundle tight
Then I read with trepidation
Its hieroglyphic verse:
“Beware, O foul defiler, now
You’ll hear the mummy’s curse!”
Then from a stone sarcophagus
Against a darkened wall
Emerged a fearsome mummy
Who stood immensely tall
Wrapped head to toe in linen
Hate blazing from its eyes
It stalked me like a tiger
As I whimpered wretched cries
It backed me to a corner
Then things went from bad to worse
As to my utter horror
I heard the mummy curse
“You mother-bleeping robber
You thieving sack of bleep
How dare disturb my Pharaoh
In his everlasting sleep”
“Be gone you bleeping infidel
And mark my words with dread
If you show your worthless bleep again
And I’ll crush you bleeping head!”
Then to its stone sarcophagus
It shuffled in reverse
No, I’ll not soon forget the night
I heard the mummy curse!
Pinafores
‘Twixt pinafores and semaphores
And petit fours and such
There’s often some confusion,
But I wouldn’t worry much
For here’s a way to keep them
All quite tidy in your mind
And if you’ll just recite this verse
No problems you will find
A pinafore’s an apron
And a semaphore’s a sign
A petit four’s a pastry
Of much intricate design
So when you’re finished baking treats
Aboard your trusty boat
You run your apron up the mast
To signal all afloat
Then the pinafore’s a semaphore
The petit fours are here
Which makes this rhyme a poor attempt
At metaphor I fear
Raven Redux
Recycled for Halloween 2012
One of my all-time favorite poems is Poe’s The Raven, but let’s face it, at 1086 words it is way too long. In today’s frenetic world, who has the time to read such things. So, in the interest of making it more accessible to the schedule-impaired, and with all due respect to the original, I have undertaken a slight edit. Here is my 68 word version of the classic.
Lonely dude about to snore
Hears a knock upon his door
What is there? A talking bird!
All it knows is one damn word
Conversation is a bore
All it says is “nevermore”
Asks about his long lost flame
Lenore, the lovely lady’s name
Bird provides no help at all
“Nevermore,” it’s single call
Lonely dude goes raving mad
Bird just sits there. Bird is bad
Linked to One Shot Wednesday.
The Mermaid Bride
This poem is in response to The Mag image below:
This got me thinking about a river flowing to the ocean and the following salty tale ensued:
Well, I sits on the beach
Just a’watchin the tide
And mourns o’er the loss
O’ my sweet mermaid bride
On the schooner “Allegro”
O’ Nantucket, Mass
I first laid me eyes
On that fair- flippered lass
I was standin’ me watch
In the dead o’ the night
When she rose from the sea
With a phosphoric light
‘Twas a vision in beauty
A sailor’s true wish
The North of her, woman
The South of her, fish
Her hair was of seaweed
And it bobbed to ‘n fro
As her scales softly shone
In the moon’s silver glow
With songs of a siren
To her pearl covered bed
She wooed me, seduced me
And then we was wed
We was married by Neptune
The seafarer’s God
Me groomsmen was mack’rel
The bridesmaids was cod
Then its two years ‘n twenty
Of marital bliss
At least so’s I thought
‘Til she hits me with this:
“I’m leavin’,” says she
“With a dolphin named Dan
Ain’t I don’t love you
He’s just more of a man”
“He’s slicker ‘n thicker
And slow where you’re quicker
A flick of his fluke
And my flame’s all a’ flicker “
Then with nary a wave
And just barely a splash
She swam to her beau
And was gone in a flash
Now, I sits on the beach
Just a’ watchin’ the tide
And mourns o’er the loss
O’ my sweet mermaid bride
Just Add Water
This post is linked to The Mag prompt #115 which is the image above
She bought him in a pet shop for a dollar and a quarter
The lady at the counter said “It says here just add water
Then fertilize and nurture him and grow your perfect man
But it comes with this disclaimer: Most aren’t worth a damn”
I Think She May Have Had Enough
….What do you think?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Time I got real fond of you
Pack a bag and call a lawyer
Mister, you and I are through
Spent my last night doing dishes
Picking up your dirty clothes
While you sprawl upon the sofa
Watching TV ‘tween your toes
No more scrubbing ‘round the toilet
Courtesy your dreadful aim
No more listening to your snoring
Isn’t that a crying shame
I won’t miss your meddling momma
Uninvited, butting in
I won’t miss your awful poppa
Or his nasty, leering grin
Think I’ll miss your sweet romancing?
Sugar, no I won’t a lick
Thirty seconds worth of effort
Very rarely does the trick
As I tally vice and virtue
Darlin’ it has come to this
When it gets right down to basics
There ain’t much I’m gonna miss!
Linked to dVerse ~ Poets Pub
Performance Anxiety
This post is linked to The Mag prompt #114 which is the image above.
What joy! At Last! An honorarium!
To read my verse at the aquarium
What angst! What pain! My poems stank!
The performance ended in the tank.
Eggsistentialism
This post is linked to The Mag prompt 112 which is the image above.
Existential image
Floating eggshell girl
Drifting ‘cross the desert
Clouds a gothic whirl
Meaning is elusive
Imagery’s obscure
Artist has a message
What, I can’t be sure
I’m Thinking of Starting a Diet
I’m thinking of starting a diet
In fact I might start it today
The goal of my diet is simple
To make fifty pounds go away
My shirt creeps up over my belly
My pants are two inches too tight
I’m a pastry away from exploding
Good gosh, I’m a horrible sight
I can’t see my toes when I’m standing
My belt buckle points at the floor
I suck in my gut and turn sideways
To maneuver my butt through a door
Oh, once I was young and athletic
And once I was nimble and lean
But I said “super size it” too often
I think y’all know what I mean
They say diet is all about willpower
And not for the lazy or meek
I’m thinking of starting a diet
Well, maybe I’ll start it next week.
Linked to The Purple Tree House and Poets United
Welcome
If you have visited before…welcome back. If this is your first visit click on “MY TOP TEN” to get a representative sample of the blog. I hope you like what you see. Vb
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